Not being Okay

[Alfaguy]

So it turns out psychologists in Ireland aren't even regulated.

here is the RTE player link to the programme.

[Andy]

A not so great end to last year and start to this year. My wife was diagnosed with cancer for the 2nd time. She went through the ringer last time which meant we could not have any more kids, but very lucky to have one fantastic daughter. The mix of chemotherapy and radiation therapy started awhile back and she is in the 5th week of treatment. Things are difficult again naturally with nobody in the best of moods with the ups and downs. This is not something we have overly told people about but I would have informed a few where I felt necessary. I was actually taken aback a bit when a colleague asked me directly how I was. I guess you don’t think of yourself as you are more worried about the person dealing with the cancer and the last thing you want is to be selfish. The question actually took me by surprise because I never stopped to think how I was.

And if that wasn’t enough…..
I started Taekwon-Do over 30 years ago and still teach. I was always well able to jump, spin, kick high and able to do the side splits on chairs. In September I started to struggle with pain and loss of kicking ability to the point now where I can barley kick knee high. Tried physio but eventually got an MRI and a consult with an Orthopaedic specialist. Turns out my left hip will need replacement and is badly arthritic. Pain and loss of being able to train, teach to a level I am used to and even walk any distance is frustrating and a bit depressing. I think I need to check out that other thread on dodgy hips now.

So there you go. One thing though that I always try to keep mindful of when in difficult situations like this is, there is always someone worse with harder issues to deal with.

[Bigserious]

A not so great end to last year and start to this year. My wife was diagnosed with cancer for the 2nd time. She went through the ringer last time which meant we could not have any more kids, but very lucky to have one fantastic daughter. The mix of chemotherapy and radiation therapy started awhile back and she is in the 5th week of treatment. Things are difficult again naturally with nobody in the best of moods with the ups and downs. This is not something we have overly told people about but I would have informed a few where I felt necessary. I was actually taken aback a bit when a colleague asked me directly how I was. I guess you don’t think of yourself as you are more worried about the person dealing with the cancer and the last thing you want is to be selfish. The question actually took me by surprise because I never stopped to think how I was.

And if that wasn’t enough…..
I started Taekwon-Do over 30 years ago and still teach. I was always well able to jump, spin, kick high and able to do the side splits on chairs. In September I started to struggle with pain and loss of kicking ability to the point now where I can barley kick knee high. Tried physio but eventually got an MRI and a consult with an Orthopaedic specialist. Turns out my left hip will need replacement and is badly arthritic. Pain and loss of being able to train, teach to a level I am used to and even walk any distance is frustrating and a bit depressing. I think I need to check out that other thread on dodgy hips now.

So there you go. One thing though that I always try to keep mindful of when in difficult situations like this is, there is always someone worse with harder issues to deal with.

Very sorry to hear that Andy. If you want to talk it through with a stranger shoot me a pm. I'd assume it's easier to be open than with friends or family.

Wishing your wife all the very best. If she kicked it once then no reason she can't do it again. Over winter is a tough time to be starting chemo as it's depressing enough.

My 94yr old gran uncle had his hip re-done last year (original replacement lasted 30+ yrs) and he was back on the exercise bike inside a week so wouldnt let that worry you too much.

[Andy]

Very sorry to hear that Andy. If you want to talk it through with a stranger shoot me a pm. I'd assume it's easier to be open than with friends or family.

Wishing your wife all the very best. If she kicked it once then no reason she can't do it again. Over winter is a tough time to be starting chemo as it's depressing enough.

My 94yr old gran uncle had his hip re-done last year (original replacement lasted 30+ yrs) and he was back on the exercise bike inside a week so wouldnt let that worry you too much.

Appreciate that and I might do that. The medical teams working with herself are all very confident thankfully.

Well if he did ok at that age there is hope for me so. I might get back to the splits yet.

[foyler]

Andy, Firstly I’m very sorry to hear of your wife’s battle and I wish you both some better luck and the best possible outcome.
I won’t bore you all with more tales of hip woe and relief but I’ll fire on my mobile if you want a chat about the process and/or a lead on a really good surgeon.
Read my last post in that thread again, sure you’re getting old and starting to break down a bit , but believe me a gimpy hip is not worth stressing too much about given the other challenges you guys face.
Not to take away from the whole lot just feeling a bit too much, we all have our thresholds for life’s capacity to :D:D:D:D on us…

[Roarsbaby]

Appreciate that and I might do that. The medical teams working with herself are all very confident thankfully.

Well if he did ok at that age there is hope for me so. I might get back to the splits yet.

Just to say I really feel for you. That's a lot to be dealing with.
I'm happy to pray for you all if that's something you'd appreciate.

[Andy]

Just to say I really feel for you. That's a lot to be dealing with.
I'm happy to pray for you all if that's something you'd appreciate.

Thanks. That would be appreciated.

Andy, Firstly I’m very sorry to hear of your wife’s battle and I wish you both some better luck and the best possible outcome.
I won’t bore you all with more tales of hip woe and relief but I’ll fire on my mobile if you want a chat about the process and/or a lead on a really good surgeon.
Read my last post in that thread again, sure you’re getting old and starting to break down a bit , but believe me a gimpy hip is not worth stressing too much about given the other challenges you guys face.
Not to take away from the whole lot just feeling a bit too much, we all have our thresholds for life’s capacity to :D:D:D:D on us…

Cheers Foyler. I might get in touch alright.

[kdevitt]

Jesus Andy, sorry to hear all of that, although thankfully the prognosis for your wife seems positive. We went through a pretty horrific time of it when my dad went through chemo and radiation therapy, so know what a strain it can be.

Anyway, I WFH every Thursday and Friday if you're on the road and want to drop in and have a rather excellent cup of tea.

[Andy]

Jesus Andy, sorry to hear all of that, although thankfully the prognosis for your wife seems positive. We went through a pretty horrific time of it when my dad went through chemo and radiation therapy, so know what a strain it can be.

Anyway, I WFH every Thursday and Friday if you're on the road and want to drop in and have a rather excellent cup of tea.

The rather excellent cup of tea Ken is a real draw. Thanks

[Kaiser]

Andy, very sorry to hear that. Just one thing though, and I say it with every respect for you: the last line of your comment is very commendable, but don’t let it take away from what you are going through. By that I mean don’t let it stop you from asking for help, from celebrating the milestones or anything else that you think will help you going forward.

[Tony323I]

Life can be a $hitfest some times bad news is par for the course at the moment, attended 2 funerals this week one relative and a very good childhood friend who's Father passed away after an illness.

Her sister also lost her husband a week earlier at 46 years of age leaving behind two young kids just about as awful as it can get.

On another front, hearing about a separation that is very close to home that is having a visible negative effect on their kids which is distressing to see.

Andy very sorry to hear what your going through, from reading your post I get a strong feeling of resilience and a very positive frame of mind towards adversity both of which will stand to you. Wishing both you and your family the very best.


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[crank_case]

Really sorry for your troubles Andy, especially when your other half is involved, nothing worse. You probably wouldn't care half as much if it was yourself, but when it's your nearest and dearest it cuts so much more.

I started Taekwon-Do over 30 years ago and still teach. I was always well able to jump, spin, kick high and able to do the side splits on chairs. In September I started to struggle with pain and loss of kicking ability to the point now where I can barley kick knee high. Tried physio but eventually got an MRI and a consult with an Orthopaedic specialist. Turns out my left hip will need replacement and is badly arthritic. Pain and loss of being able to train, teach to a level I am used to and even walk any distance is frustrating and a bit depressing. I think I need to check out that other thread on dodgy hips now.

I think stuff like this can be a lesson in humility. Not to imply you are in any way arrogant, but all of us are still 25 in our heads and accepting your physical limitations is not something we can easily do, not any of. I see this so much with my Dad who is 80 now, has had a stroke, and no longer can function independently. In his head this was all a temporary setback and he'd be back out driving, going places and stuff... but it's only slowly sinking in that this is how it is now. In your case of course there may be remedial things that let you get back in the saddle, but Foylers right, we get old and start falling apart, sometimes at an alarming rate and it sets in faster than you think. When you're in your 20s and 30s you sort of think you'll be like this ti you're 65 and then *poof* you turn 60 and suddenly start being an old person, no-one tells you 30 really is your peak and the slide starts from there.

That's not to sound grim or pessimistic, but it's better to accept your physical limitations and focus on the thing you CAN do, rather than what you cannot do. I kinda joke that I wish my Dad would discover videogames, but it's sorta true, he needs to adapt to something to keep him occupied. He used to be quite a "going out" sort of person, even if it was just up the road to a garden centre for coffee, but now he can't do that. Find a hobby, or if you can't train yourself, you can maybe still volunteer to teach others? Like kids for example? Giving back can help us take the focus of our own issues.


On a completely different topic...

Going back to psychologists not being regulated - it highlights how mental health here is structured is completely messed up and honestly I think many in the profession would be first to agree. After all psychologists themselves were pushing regulation as far back as the 80s.

My experience lately has been patchy - I see a clinic for medication checkups every 3-4 months and because they mostly have a handle on things now, the main professional hands of my sessions to understudies referred to as "registrars" (they are fully qualified but don't yet have their own practice I think, because even the registrars are training people under them in turn). These get moved around and reassigned every three months or so and you can see the problem...

I've had issue with continuity in my treatment, even with notes and the best will in the world. It's led to problems like messed up prescriptions and stuff, which has had a knock on influence in me being thrown off kilter of late with ADHD, Anxiety and depression getting a bit worse again. There are external factors too, but it does not help.

I've had to request to see the main practitioner next time, which I feel a little bad about given the scarcity of resources out there, I don't want to be taking here time, but at the same time you've got to advocate for yourself because no-one else will.

There's also a weird thing of only handling certain things up until someone is 18 then after that - acting like it's gone away. Our long term illness government policies only cover mental illness up to 18 I believe, then after that.... who knows.

With ADHD for example, there's streamlined dedicated care for kids, but once they turn 18, Adults have to go to just general psychiatric clinics. Apparently this is a "political hot potato" according to one professional I've spoken to, I'm not sure of the details, but it's kind of mad in 2023 there's still doubt cast at official level that Adult ADHD is a thing deserving of its own services.

[Roarsbaby]

Sorry for your troubles Crank.
We've a 'soft' diagnosis of ADHD in our 5 year old.
Interesting road ahead

[crank_case]

Sorry for your troubles Crank.
We've a 'soft' diagnosis of ADHD in our 5 year old.
Interesting road ahead

Chaotic times ahead...

You have 13 years to get a handle on it before you enter into very vague territory in psychiatric services so get a firm diagnosis one way or another, get them into dedicated services, which will probably take quite a lot of persistence. Depending on severity, it's impact on someone go deeper than just being "bad at school" to a host of other knock on issues if left untreated.

The key to figuring out if it's ADHD or some other issue is it has always been present (as it is a neurodevelopmental disorder from birth that impacts executive functions) and is present all the time. Most regular people display some ADHD-like behaviour from time to time, hyperactivity, not being able to focus, too much noise in their head, etc. but it's either irregular or it only manifests in certain circumstances - e.g. problematic at school, fine at home, or vice versa. Of course you'll be better under certain circumstances (e.g. a low distraction environment), but the symptoms are ever-present.

[admredux]

Sorry Andy that's a rough situation to be in again man, especially when it's your wife it's hard going. Good luck with the hip too, they have the tech these days to make you better than new thankfully, I'm just waiting for the hands to come out. Arthritis in your hands at 39 is a bit rich!

Crank the adult ADHD bit in Ireland is a joke but it's a real experimental piece here in the state's too. They bounce you from one med to the next to find best fit.

I've got herself who's OCD/ ADHD, my 8 year old with ADHD/ major impulse control.

On a medication vacation this week to get his weight back up, I'd rather him able to sleep and grow than be compliant (quiet but drooling) in the classroom.

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